THE TRIALS OF A WOMAN

By Johanne James

You have got to be kidding me! The trials of a woman?

Do you have a year or two for me to go through the whole catalogue? What would I know? I can tell you that what I don’t know would fill the universe, twice, and let me tell you that’s a whole lot of nothing! What I do know would fit on the sharp end of a pin. Ouch! How little we know of the opposite sex and never the twain shall meet! Men are from Mars and women from Venus. I usually keep out of the way when I feel I have done something wrong, but then I’ve always done something wrong. But when you consider what a woman has to go through, all I can say is that we are lucky to be men and that they are truly the stronger sex. We, men that is, are only here to move heavy objects and protect our offspring. Can you imagine pregnancy, cravings, stretch marks, childbirth and other complications, monthly cramps and sore boobs? No, I didn’t think so, for it is beyond male comprehension and if it were left to the male of the species to prolong the species, it would have died out eons ago, for we would only ever have one child and they would all be boys! Not a good sign for the future eh? Then there is the change at a certain age, let’s call it the age of maturity. The mood swings, the hot flushes, the this and the that, goodness me! All I can say is that I wouldn’t like to be in your position, but I would like to be able to empathise. What do you pack for a weekend trip? I would take a small holdall, and the wife, well let’s just say there isn’t enough room in the car. We’re only going for a couple of days. I know, but I don’t know what to wear. It is of course a woman’s right to change her mind, for as many stars there are in the universe is of no comparison as to how many times a woman can change her mind in a microsecond! Be warned! I’m only poking fun at you. A quick joke. A woman comes out of the bathroom and asked her husband, “Does my bum look big in this?”, to which he replied, “Well my dear, it is a small bathroom”. In truth, you are the most precious beings, you are the most wonderful creatures the good lord has bestowed upon the world and if we were living in a matriarchal society, this world would more than likely be a far better place, for you would not send your children off to war in the name of ego, greed or competition! But in fact you have been relegated to being second class citizens in parts of the world I shall not mention. You are given derogatory names I shall not mention. In fact you are our mothers, sisters, wives, friends and lovers. You are those who have given birth to the world. What you give to us is far more than we can ever return and you deserve our utmost respect, honesty and love. So in closing I would only like to say, thank you for being who you are in spite of what we have done to you, for in truth we haven’t got a clue! Have no fear, you’ll get your own back on us one by one! Guys, you have been warned!

Thanks for listening.

Johanne James